Of Roosters and Rodents... and Flamingos

Bill (above), a plastic flamingo who calls this perch above
Missourian Sports Editor Greg Bowers' desk home.

(Reporter’s Note: If you don’t have the patience to read through 651 words and need to know why there is a picture of a plastic flamingo named Bill atop this post, skip to No. 11.)

This morning at day two of SJI, Missourian Sports Editor Greg Bowers informed the class that there was a rooster running rampant at the adjacent Peace Park.

Let that sink in for a second.

A rooster. In Columbia Mo. Next to a newspaper building. Bobbing and weaving its feathery head and neck in a place called Peace Park.

Exhale. Breathe in. Chuckle. Chuckle again.

Without further ado, here's the rundown on the rooster:

1) We can report, in follow up talks with Bowers and through online research, that the rooster in fact was caught last December. The rooster is now cock-a-doodle-dooing happily at a hobby chicken farm outside of city limits. Bowers regrets this initial error.

2) The rooster's name is Bob Dylan. Yes, the rooster bares a slight resemblance to its namesake, especially its feathered, frizzy hair on top of its head. Very Blonde on Blonde esque.

Bob Dylan

Bob Dylan

3) A retired psychologist named Summer Allen had been feeding Dylan daily during Dylan’s eight month stay in the park.

4) Bowers said he thinks Dylan was able to survive for eight months by, "eating bugs and stuff".

5) It took Allen, five other adults, two children, a net, two blankets, an hour’s worth of time and a diabolical plan based in rooster psychology and chicken migratory techniques to capture Dylan. Well...capture and shepherd Dylan to the safety from the mild Columbia winter that is.

6) Bowers refused to comment on which SJI editor would have been best at devising a plan to capture Dylan. Bowers also wasn't ready to comment on how wily and athletic Sandy Rosenbush, Leon Carter and Greg Lee might be. (NOTE: If any SJI alums or students have any thoughts on which editor would be best to catch a rooster or wild animal feel free to comment… unless it’s a New York City subway rat or a Boston mouse. Neither Leon, Greg nor Sandy are interested in interacting with rodents. You can ask them why and the stories behind their rationale the next time you see them.)

Bottom:Greg Lee, Boston Globe Senior Sports Editor, works diligently in the newsroom at SJI 2012

Top: Bill, Plastic Flamingo, sits diligently  above Greg Bowers desk in the newsroom at SJI 2012

7) Bowers did outline to us a precise formula as to what attributes he would want to see in an ideal rooster-catcher:

-Farm Experience

-Teamwork

-Quickness

-Equipment

8) Bowers echoed the reporter’s sentiment, that rooster-catchers must follow the mantra of "Be an athlete". What kind of athlete, you ask? Said Bowers:

"I think if I were choosing an athlete to catch a chicken – basketball. I think maybe I would need someone to move quickly but doesn’t need a ton of space.  Like some football players are very fast, but they have yards to get fast."

(Note: Peace Park is approximately a square-block)

9) With this rationale, Knick Tyson Chandler would be the ideal rooster-catcher of any American athlete.

He grew up on a farm. He dunks basketballs. He’s a team player.

(Though ideally, we would love to have the 1954 Milan High Basketball team. Why? Again remember, according to Bowers formula: “Basketball. Teamwork. Quickness. Equipment. Farm Experience.”)

10) With this rationale, we asked Bowers which Missouri basketball player would have been best utilized to capture the rooster. Surely it would be a guard due to his quickness, right?

Right and wrong. Bowers did agree Mizzou guard Kim English would have been best to capture the chicken, but not because of his quickness. Rather, because of his knowledge of the Peace Park topography, as English frequently read poetry in the park. (Note: No word on if English was a rooster-whisperer, trading poetry with Bob Dylan)

11) No, though there is a plastic flamingo, Bill, above Bower’s desk, Bower’s is not a flamingo-whisperer. He stays sane on deadline without having to resort to talking to a bird. He maintains he is not that goofy.

12) Bill came in a two-pack for $2.50. Hilary is the other. He said, at that price, the flamingos were must-buys.

 –– Tony Olivero